Barefeet, Concrete

I'd follow in your steps

There is something absolutely magical about this girl

Wide smile and dark eyes

is where I go

Mass of mossy brown hair

Curtains me in

You are all i can see

Maybe I'll melt into this most beautiful unveiling

my short lifetime, my little worn heart

Has taken.

The smell of your skin

Is still in my sheets

So when I duck under covers

I am forced to face

Your feeble pleasebabychildplease promise

Luckily

Teddy and I

Doused on cologne

To soak you up

Wash out your half assed few and far between days

We can't seem to get out the stain

That sweet memory left

Fuck you and your pretty promise

That I bought into

Take your damn John Mayer

Your false ideaologies

Your beautiful face

Please please

Disappea...

Someday I'll wake into myself
Take down your face
From my mirror
And cry some happy tears
For once

I'll dance stark
And naked in the rain
Bow down to some goddess hearts
I know in truth

Tell vagina tales of my demise
Make Ms. Ensler proud
Hold my arms open to beautiful
Broken Ruthless Women
Whose tales must be told

I'll hold down a fort
For some godbabies and long crafted friendships
Maybe a bulldog named Louise
Build bridges made from strength
and burn some made from...

Heres what I know about me
I'm lost in between words and worlds apart
from where I need to be
And I'm a silly hearted girl
And no one gives a damn
A flat fuck
Or ass of any kind
What I say
People listen when other peoples words float out of my mouth
and to their ears
When I'm on a stage
but everywhere else they put gags in my mouth

You'll create your own version of me
And with the help of blinders
Thats all you'll see
You'll think I'm fascinating
That I complete your everyth...

The studio is safe
The place where we
Release everything
Find everything
Yell Scream Kick Cry Laugh Out Loud
And no one is hurt
React the way we want to
In the infamous real world

Theres a soft buzzing in my ear
Your voice is flat, and I hear
Nothing
Youre yelling youre condescending
You treat me like a child
Nothing
I repeat and repeat
In this haze
Suddenly a spark
Impulse in my nervous stomache
Guttural noise from my throat
Its gone
Lost in the struggle
Floundering in ...

Your scent
Sickeningly sweet passing through my nostrils
Setting on my uneasy stomache
It clings to my hands, and when I touch my face
Or lie them on my pillow
You are in my midst
Like you have been so many times before
I have to wash it from my hair
It clings to my fabric
In my every pore
Even the smell of my own bed sheets
Of my room Of my Burberry perfume
Takes me to that time
I'll push you aside
I'll seek you out
I'll try my hardest
And I'll fail.

I'll find myself again...

The number four isn't so bad
I tell myself
Just one hand
The fingers of just one hand.

Index,
Pointing in stern disbelief
Or
Obliging you to come hither
Middle
Expressing my anger, my more than slight vulgarity
Eager defiant feminism even on my back.
The ring
Its bareness, it seems to be saying I broke the rules
Of someone elses game.
Pinky.
Small, pink flesh childlike, my impatience
I have room: the thumb the sturdy stablity

When fingers trace over the keys ...

I never have the right words to say, but when your small lips are
entwined with mine,
I find that its okay
I'm shy and I'm restless
And i wish i could express anything to anyone
Something to impress
Your gentle mind
Somewhere I know that this is sort of love for you from you
I'm not sure I want to
I wish I could bare my soul barefoot on coffee house stage
And make you believe that to leave her would mean everything
Be perfectly imperfect to make you thing about me in the morning.

...

Its so nice to be away from everyone and everything no one knows me here...I have been having a great time with Natalie and my roomate. My classes started today, and my first is my stagecraft class which will eventually involve power tools. Acting is all I'm actually good for, I've never done crew stuff before. Not because I'm a diva, I just can't..I'm not creative like that..give me lines. I have auditions for Rocky Horror Show in a couple of days for the student run theater called The Lost Fla...

Today is a little brighter
You say youve been ballistic
Thinking about me
I blush pretty deeply
Wishing things were different but today i'm okay...

I wrote this in church yesterday..its terribly depressing so I'm sorry...

When all I am worth is where I've been touched,
How can I bring anything more,
Knowing tommorrow it'll be the same,
There's never time for change,
I am bleeding in theese sheets,
My head lowered, I made a choice, and firstly i lived with it
He whispers, I turn my head,
He smiling, I am shy,
I am raw..
I'll take all I am from him
All I can get from him.

I am quiet
And in the impatience of waiting
I've forgotten the things I wanted the most,
Still water eyes
You've had me all along
And I am wishing for heartbreak
To give me some relief from pretending
To be something we are not
I only know we are,
We were
We could be,
Maybe someday I'll reach out from this somewhat broken silence
And make a change for once
Maybe you'll reach out from stale security and break down
again.

Okay , so I'm performing in Seusical the Musical, its this big Dr. Seus fest, and most of the characters from the books, except for the Bird Girls. My director refers to them as "the jungle hotties", we get theese really cute dresses. And we got a lecture tonight about being "sexy" and I've been told that I am, by more than one person, but I don't know how to be. I mean the man had us planning contraptions on how to enhance our chests(we're rather small) and that rather pissed me off, because i ...

Don't feel like poetry today, so tired of wanting
that right cliche
maybe if i did i would make me okay again.
Don't feel acting today
Smiles and lies and endless comprimise
the Somebody whos really a disguise
I don't feel like weighing myself today
That look disgust
Don't fucking say that
But its already said,
heard it in my head....
I don't feel like seeing them today
Little kindergarten girls and boys
marching along, with their worthless toys
I don't feel like crying today, ...