Merry Christmas and A Spin of Alex's Old Article
Well, how was everyone's christmas? mine was lovely, I got my baby as it is now called. My acoustic guitar, it is gorgeous, and i've dragging it all around the house, playing it constantly. So much that my fingers are killing me, and it kinda hurts to type but oh well. I even wrote a little song which i'm whipping up the lyrics too. so exciting. Brandon better watch out he may cheat on me with a book, but my acoustic's looking pretty darn good....j/k. Anyway so i got that and a violin (among other things mostly Hello Kitty, in alex's words the CULT. but it looks like that cult exploded all over my room) and i want to learn the song B.T. alex plays it on the piano all the time and i know parts of it. I kind of want to learn it but at the same time i don't cuz it's a sad little song about tragic love and i have to be in that artsy depressed mood to play it well.
There's something i wanted to write about, i'm having this problem. i mean its been redundant for almost a year now, but i need you guys to help me through it. I'm insanely jealous of this one girl, *you all know who i'm talking about* like so much that i used to cut just thinking about her. I can't take it anymore, she is my best friend in the whole world but yet she's drives me out of my mind, this is so horrible, i'm such a horrible person, but sometime i just can't stand to look at her. I think about her and it makes me sick to my stomache, i thought i was going to be okay and get over it. but it's spinning way out of control. i want to cry just thinking about how mean i am. She even wrote me and said that she was jealous of me too and that's why she competes with me constantly. but it's like she is in EVERY SINGLE GOD FORSAKEN ASPECT OF MY LIFE> i can't do anything without being cast into her shadow. I'm not even related to her. I can't enjoy life because i'm to worried about what she's going to take out of my life next. She's so sweet and nice and she doesn't deserve this, but at the same time i'm like why can't you just stay out of what i do????????? It's not my freaking fault i'm not as pretty or nice as she is. When do i get to shine (by myself)? But then i thought why would she be jealous of me? i mean come on now she's goregous and everyone knows it. and she's talkative and nice, and me. yeah just take the opposite of that and you've got me. Why can't i get what i want and be able to keep it? i don't want to end up alone again. *this is why i was sad* i don't want to wake up not knowing that what i longed for so badly won't be there. please help me. someone. anyone...