Sexual Frustration

Interesting Title Don't You Agree?

Published on January 25, 2005 By NotSoSmellySarah In Personal Relationships

Okay so at the bball game me and shaun had a conversation about sex. This one was significant however. I just read sams article on sex and I was thinking. I want to know other opinions, i'm not some sex crazed maniac who is just looking to get laid, I seriously just want some answers.

Why are we supposed to wait til marriage? Okay, i understand sex is sacred and beautiful and ment to be cherished. But if I'm in love with someone (once again i know it requires maturity, and a lot of other stuf, this is purely hypothetical.) why does having some reverend tell me "okay its alright to have sex now" make it suddenly okay. I mean seriously. What is marriage, to me it is a commitment between to people that love each other and God, it is a exclamation of love and trust and what not. Do i need some preacher to tell me that? Sex is so personal, why does it have to be at the same time for everyone?

Okay call me immature, but if youre going to be with someone your whole life, wouldn't you want to know if you have good sex first? I mean most people will probably be all like but thats not what matter the most. But you have to admit, it is significant. If youre going to be with only that one person for the rest of your life, wouldn't you want it to be good. But then from what i hear sex is good if youre in love, so it won't necessarily matter.

Last thing, is oral sex enough to make me not a virgin anymore? Its supposed to be how you feel afterwards or something that makes you a virgin/non virgin. Its been a substanial amount of time, I guess i feel like a virgin. I don't know. They say that oral sex is very intimate and what not. I don't know how i feel about this.

I don't not wanted to be judged by the conservatives on this site. Okay? I have my own way at looking at things. Also if you have some its in the bible response, please save it, i already know. Its cool if youre waiting for marriage, or just waiting as i am, i just want to know what you all think.

Comments (Page 2)

BrummyBoy

on Jan 29, 2005

Why get married first? My reasoning is plain and simple. It would upset my mom if she found out that I ever had sex before I got married. I'm not so worried about what the Bible says as I am worried about what kind of image I'd be creating.

It's all the same principle anyway. Not having sex before marriage on account of another (whether it be your mom, or God, or your culture's "word of God"), is a form of peer-pressure. The Bible has simply created this particular peer pressure on a larger, cultural scale, (which was the point I was making earlier).

What is the real logic in not having sex before marriage? I don't think there is much, really - other than basing it on one's own personal preference.

Texas Wahine

on Jan 29, 2005

Sarah:

Okay, i understand sex is sacred and beautiful and ment to be cherished.

Ha ha ha . . . not always . . . sometimes sex is just sex . . . it's not this holy thing . . . it's pleasure and lust. That's not a bad thing.

Sex is so personal, why does it have to be at the same time for everyone?

You should have sex whenever you feel like you want to have sex . . . just be careful because sex can change things between you and the person that you have sex with. Don't have sex because someone else is pressuring you or you want to make them happy . . . have sex because you WANT to . . . because it feels like the appropriate time and place and person (and position, he he he). You should be in control of your sexual experiences . . . YOU call the shots on who and when and where and why.

My advice is for you to get on birth control of some sort and be sure to have a condom with you . . . make sure you understand safe sex practices.

But then from what i hear sex is good if youre in love, so it won't necessarily matter.

Not neccessarily. Sex isn't some magical thing that's all wrapped up in love . . . I mean, sure, sex can be a very loving and intimate act, but just because you are "in love" doesn't mean that someone is going to feel good to you or know how to please you . . . and just because you're not "in love" with someone doesn't mean that you can't have amazing sex with them.

Last thing, is oral sex enough to make me not a virgin anymore?

I don't think so, but I wouldn't worry too much about trying to label yourself as a virgin or non-virgin. That really doesn't matter. Oral sex is whatever it is to you . . . I personally consider it more "intimate" than the sexual act itself, but that's just me. If you enjoy giving and/or receiving oral sex, then by all means, do that. Just understand that you need to protect yourself from diseases just as you would during intercourse.

Take some time to learn about your own body and what feels good to you . . . get a vibrator if you can . . . enjoy being a woman!

Best wishes.

NotSoSmellySarah

on Jan 29, 2005

Tex~ I like your explanation it wasn't flowery and it made me think. You know what, youre right in a lot of ways. I should do something because i want to do it, not becasue of someone elses standards. Some people might say you degraded sex or whatever, but i don't think so, i think you were honest and i admire that. And i would never have sex with out some form of protection. And as for the oral sex thing, i cant say that i think its more intamate than sex because you know i've never had actual intercourse, but i don't that its very intamite and i will live by my own convictions as i go.

Brandon~ I think its cute how you want to make your mom happy, and i understand that you don't want to end up like other members of your family. You have some issues with image, i mean i understand your reasoning, but i don't really care about image.

Brummy Boy~ i like what you said about culture, its very true that old school christian princples are still in afftect, and that doesn't make sense.

Myrrander~ I will still wait until i am fully ready mentally and emotionally so i don't screw up my mind.

Thanks everyone for the comments they were really helpful!!!!!!!!

Texas Wahine

on Jan 29, 2005

Sarah: I'm really glad you found it helpful . . . when I was younger I had a lot of hang ups and confusion about sex because of all the religious pressure around me, and I really hope that you are able to escape that and that you will be able to enjoy sex for what it is, not what others tell you it should be . . . you seem to be very open about it, and I think that is an awesome thing. Best wishes.

Zoologist03

on Jan 29, 2005

As stated in the hilarious movie "Eurotrip" America was found by prudes who wanted to get away from all the kinky sex in Europe....so move to Europe and you wouldn't have to think about this at all...

As stated in the movie "Waterboy" what mamma don't know won't hurt her....heh heh...you probably won't see it that way, but something to think about anyway....

~Zoo

NotSoSmellySarah

on Jan 30, 2005

Tex~ Once again thanks. I am very open about it, and it doesn't initimidate or inhibit me like it does so many of my conservative christian friends.

Zoo~ I really don't think he's going to find that helpful.

NotSoSmellySarah

on Jan 30, 2005

I would also like to add, that my parent's don't think or didn't think that i am virgin. So when it comes to my parents, I couldn't care less.

Draginol

on Jan 30, 2005

One other thing:

People of quality look for other people of quality. I suspect most people can understand and respect others who have had sex outside of wedlock, especially if it were part of a commited relationship. But sex -- oral or not -- is not something to be entered lightly. If you go around giving oral sex to guys on a regular basis, it will come back to haunt you. The reason is that you decrease the pool of men who will want to be with you.

It has nothing to do with fairness. It has nothing to do with "someone who truly loves me will accept me for who i am" or other bullshit that people will feed you. The fact is, in the real world this stuff does matter. If your long term goal is to end up marrying some trailer park guy, then you can lower the bar and go nuts. On the other hand, if you are hoping one day to be with a many who loves and respects you who also has self-respect then you will want to be very very careful.

The issue is about respect. People of quality simply don't want to hang around people who have no personal respect. And the reality is, women who sleep around or give oral sex to many men are seen as not having self-respect. And self-respecting men don't want to associate with women who have no self-respect. The same goes the other way around too. Women have different criteria of what constitutes self-respect (which is why we have the whole studs/sluts thing - it's about self-respect, not sex).

Just be careful.

Myrrander

on Jan 30, 2005

Myrrander~ I will still wait until i am fully ready mentally and emotionally so i don't screw up my mind.

best decision you can make, IMO

you seem to have a good idea about things, so good on ya

Zoologist03

on Jan 30, 2005

Zoo~ I really don't think he's going to find that helpful.

Yeah, the good Capt. is a little strict when it comes to things of that nature...

~Zoo

NotSoSmellySarah

on Jan 30, 2005

Draginol~ I hear you loud and clear. I'm not saying that i want to run around and have sex with everyone. I do have self respect. I have no intention of becoming a slut.

wnx_decoy

on Jan 30, 2005

Maybe you read that wrong... I don't really care what my mom thinks so much as what she thinks others will think. I've been told all of my life that as a christian I have certain things I should be. One of those things is of an appearance of "good". In other words, if I decide to have sex before marriage that might make people think being a christian doesn't mean anything really. But, if I were to hold myself back... then someone might question my motives. At that time I could explain God's plan. If someone thinks I'm just like them then what the point in even getting saved right? Well, that's not what I'm taught. I'm supposed to be a "light" so others don't get lost.

Capt.over and out!

discombobulated chick

on Jan 31, 2005

yep , awsome point ! but i also qusiton this whoe sex thing ! i mean what if you do get into a situation like that ! we are all humans and we lust ! and being alone with a guy can bring up some pretty strong lust ! but ... you wont know until you get there right ! to really know how strong you really are ! b-cuz you can tell yourself over and over agian that you are going to wait but you really never know ! right well i dont know !

Myrrander

on Jan 31, 2005

then, according to some, Discombob. Chick, if you are A) a male, it's understandable and

if you are a female, you obviously have no self respect and are, therefore, a slut.

Double standards are interesting, and I think anyone getting into a relationship with someone should understand these sorts of double standards.

NotSoSmellySarah

on Jan 31, 2005

I hate that paradox! I'm a girl and i have self respect but does that mean i'm going to let someone else tell when to have sex, no.

Rissa~ i hear you, sort of. you and brandon aren't making a whole lot of sense but thats okay.

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