Dear God,
I know i get really angry at you sometimes, I'm sorry. I just don't know who to blame for all the crap that goes on in my life. I know its not your fault, i know that your the Father figure in my life, not the master controler of it, but I don't know that you'll work things out if i can't handle it. I have so much to say to you.
For starters, are you the same with every person? I know that you don't play favorites, but why would you make all of us so different if you want us to have the same type of relationship with you. I know you in my own way, I hope that's alright, so far you haven't convicted me. You know what, I think youre a lot cooler than what the people at church tell me. Did you see me crying at service yesterday? Well i know you did, because someone had to dry up my tears. That was because they had her singing instead of me. I know its stupid God but sometimes it feels like P.K. resents me. I know he's the youth pastor and he shouldn't do that, but sometimes i think he does. I was crying because I don't think i'll ever EVER be good enough for anyone. Not good enough for praise team or the stupid lead in the school play. With the stupid arts festival. I'm petrified. Please help me sing. I'm tired of not liking myself, I'm tired of not loving me the way you comanded I should. I'm tired of my insecurity. Please help me to love myself.
This week has not been fun. It's sucked kind of. The parentals have gone off the deep end. Some intervention would be nice. All I ask is that your perfect will be done, I'll get over it.
Oh and whats with the Bible? I've been wondering about this forvever. God, did you really mean all of those things. Because you technically didn't write it. Some of them are pretty cool and sound a lot like stuf you would say to me. But other things I personally think (blashemy or not, I know you still love me) are just some opinions of guys who felt like adding it to the book. Now i'm sorry if I'm offending you, but i don't think i am. How we'll we ever know? Why should I base my relationship with you on something that might not even be accurate? Oh and have you seen how there interpreting it lately? There's like fifty million different Bibles to chose from, which one's right? Now I've read it, the whole thing, and you know that. What is it that you want for me?
Anyways, I love you Lord, very much. I know you understand me better than anyone ever could. I'll talk to you more later, we have a lot to talk about.
Love,
Sarah