April Tenth 2002, I was a thirteen year old eigth grade girl, very trusting, very bubbly, and desperate to feel love. I didn't care who from or why, I just didn't respect or love myself. I was a little girl playing grown up. I had a seventeen year old boyfriend, the man that would destroy any chance I ever had at loving myself. None of my ac guild friends or even brandon has ever heard me talk about him. I try not to. But April 10 is the day that we started going out three years ago. Every year on that day, i spend the day reflecting on where I used to be and where I am. Last year I set on fire everything he ever gave me.I'm making some way on the self image issue. But I have a long ways to go. The guy I am talking about broke the conscious mirror through which I saw myself. I've chosen to forget most of what happened in that relationship. Its a big black spot on my memory. I do know that every April, I look in the mirror and see that little girl i used to be. I don't trust because that's what he taught me. I don't know how many times he cheated on me, I mean to say, I don't know with how many girls he cheated on me with. But I do know that the Lord watched over me, and took care of me, because it could have been a lot worse. There are no words to describe what he put me through. When everyone you love and think that loves you, knows that you are being betrayed but they smile at you and say "aren't you a cute couple" you forget about trust, you forget about reaching out for help, you forget about loving yourself, you forget about how worthy you were supposed to be, When your only thirteen and youre being pressured, you forget about hope, you forget about your dreams, you forget about not loving him, all you want is to hear that someone loves you. I learned jealousy, I learned self hatred, I learned to not trust, I learned that things are never as they appear.
April Tenth 2005, I am so in love with someone that I can barely sit still thinking about him. Everything about him makes me smile, brings me joy. I lose myself in the light of his smile. I am captivated by his every quality. He is my best friend. The guys who makes me laugh, who teases me, who hold me beneath star encrusted skies, who kisses away my every sorrow. He means so much more than meaning everything. I am a sixteen year old girl, madly in love with a seventeen year old boy. I am his princess. He lifts me up. He brings warmth to the coldest places of my heart. I can share with him, I can whisper secrets in his ear. I can laugh until tears. I can fall a little more in love each day. Every new experience with him reminds me that I am the only girl he dreams of.