Okay, I haven't ranted in a long time (well maybe not that long but still) RIght now I have mono which has to be the most annoying, pain in the butt virius ever. Which clearly God created as a curse. Basically I'm not really allowed to do anything but lie around all day drinking disgusting orange juice, watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek, and feeling sorry for myself. Even though I feel relatively okay. Its really starting to make me bitter.
And while I've been lying around all day I've realized that I have no idea what I believe in anymore or what I want out of life. Isn't that just lovely.. I can't decide what's best for me and what's best for Sarandon.. I do not like not being in control of what happens to me, and it seems that thats exactly whats happening. I have dreams of being an actor, but I have dreams of being a wife. I'm not sure if I can have both. I want both so badly that it hurts and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to have both, because they are so meaningful to me. ..but Kentucky????? Its not quite where I envisioned myself. If I go to Chicago or New York I may never forgive myself for potentially destroying our relationship, if I go somewhere local I may never forgive myself for not getting what i needed as an actor and as a person desiring a different culture. So I have concluded in my semi dellusional feverish state that I, NotSoSmellySarah, may never ever be really truly happy. Isn't it wonderful. Life isn't fair.
Well now i'm off to share my lovely germs at the library.