today is the day i'll slip into my own skin start living as myself through myself stop letting you influence my every move i awaken to new found dreams and start resting on my own wealth i'll relearn how to take my steps focus on my lost pride pick myself up of this solid ground stop trying to be your somebody  

Your scent Sickeningly sweet passing through my nostrils Setting on my uneasy stomache It clings to my hands, and when I touch my face Or lie them on my pillow You are in my midst Like you have been so many times before I have to wash it from my hair It clings to my fabric In my every pore Even the smell of my own bed sheets Of my room Of my Burberry perfume Takes me to that time I'll push you aside I'll seek you out I'll try my hardest And I'll fail. I'll find myself ag...

I wrote this in church yesterday..its terribly depressing so I'm sorry... When all I am worth is where I've been touched, How can I bring anything more, Knowing tommorrow it'll be the same, There's never time for change, I am bleeding in theese sheets, My head lowered, I made a choice, and firstly i lived with it He whispers, I turn my head, He smiling, I am shy, I am raw.. I'll take all I am from him All I can get from him.

This life is what I make of it. I live with a passion God gave me for life and the little things in it. I choose to make this a positive experience, could you please cooperate with me? Do you even know that this whole thing depends on you, I can only follow your lead? Do you not see how your unintentional disregard hurts me? Sleep is a fleeting dream, I thought I had it all figured out. Don't do this to me, don't hurt me. I won't let you...I've been through too much now. Sometimes it frustra...

Okay, I haven't ranted in a long time (well maybe not that long but still) RIght now I have mono which has to be the most annoying, pain in the butt virius ever. Which clearly God created as a curse. Basically I'm not really allowed to do anything but lie around all day drinking disgusting orange juice, watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek, and feeling sorry for myself. Even though I feel relatively okay. Its really starting to make me bitter. And while I've been lying ...

~ Dancing: I love to dance. And my youth pastors put me in charge of writing out choreography for a little drama thing were doing in the youth group. Most of them can't dance, but its a lot of fun. Dancing just makes me feel great. ~When Brandon looks at me in this special way that I don't quite understand and says i love you randomly after i say something like finishing a novel makes me feel a little sad or how I cried when Oprah did that special on little japaneese girls or that he can't...

I went to Brandon's new house today, he told me it was on the outskirts of Grove City/Columbus; the truth be told he lives in utter suburbia. I was listening to Green Day, but sadly the wrong CD. I had in International Superhits, when I needed American Idiot so I could blast Jesus of Suburbia ( when I go back I totally intend on scouting the place out just to make sure this Jesus is just a myth) and laugh hysterically at the irony.I really wanted Andy to see this place because of his ardent ...

Hey there, I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all. Where you are and how you feel. With these lights off as these wheels keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...) Slow things down or speed them up. Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...) How are you when I'm gone? [Chorus:] And I can't make it on my own. (And I can't make it on my own.) Because my heart is in Ohio. So cut my wrists and black my eyes. (Cut my wrists and black my eyes) So I can ...

What makes straight guys think that every single gay male they come in contact with wants to have crazy anal sex with them? Guys freak out when another guy is homosexual, and I personally think they shouldn't flatter themselves so much, chances are thats not the case. Girls used to freak out because they thought I was some crazed lesbian or something, I think that they were retarded but thats okay. Guys usually aren't atracted to every single girl they see, so what makes them t...

Dear God, I know i get really angry at you sometimes, I'm sorry. I just don't know who to blame for all the crap that goes on in my life. I know its not your fault, i know that your the Father figure in my life, not the master controler of it, but I don't know that you'll work things out if i can't handle it. I have so much to say to you. For starters, are you the same with every person? I know that you don't play favorites, but why would you make all of us so different if you want us t...

I am so sick of hearing "well if youre going to be an actress you better get used to such and such" I know what I am going to have to face it is not an excuse for you to treat me like crap or to get me to do things that i hate. When it matters, I won't complain, right now were in high school and i can do what i want. Stop using me. Stop abusing me. Don't CONDESCEND to me. Don't use that tone. Don't yell at me. Just shut up and let me be. I know what i'm doing. Stop acting like you know more ...

Hours in front of mirrors, Hoping that they might lie, By producing a false image, Never seeing something that could give me joy, A one dimensional view of a multi demensional me, I feel beautiful when i am far away from mirrors, When my hair is frizzy and crazed, When my make up is smeared from happy tears, Or from the wear and tear of life, And I catch him looking at me, In that loving way he does as if i am the most beautiful thing he has ever beheld, Captivating me, He wraps...

Florida is three days away. I can barely contain myself. But at the same time, I am praying that it will not turn into a breeding ground for drama. With closed setting like a seventeen hour bus drive, only God knows how many problems and resolutions we could have. But I'll have Brandon to keep me company, and keep me from losing my temper. I struggle to have tolerance for stupidity. But anyway, I'm all packed and ready to go. I've never been to disneyland before so this will be a new and ex...

I'll make this short and sweet. I'm done with joeuser. May you all rot in your own drama, you took a great thing and ruined it. I am finished. I don't care. DON'T COME TO ME AND WHINE because i'm not condoning your crap. I have three people on this site that i trust and if any of them havea problem you know who you are and you can come to me. If you are female stay as far away as possible. I am not condoning your behavior anymore. I'm taking my abilities and moving elsewhere. GOOD LUCK.

Okay so i've always thought that valentines day was kind of stupid and a product of zealous commercialism. But i'm also a hopeless romantic. I want to do something really special for Brandon to show him how much i care, but I'm running low on ideas. Of course i will find the perfect answer and it'll be amazing. But right now i'm not too sure. Shaun suggested that i get in a big cake made out of cheese wearing something skimpy with a hat made out of nachos and hold sparklers..and i'm sure he'd...