Today is a little brighter You say youve been ballistic Thinking about me I blush pretty deeply Wishing things were different but today i'm okay...

I wrote this in church yesterday..its terribly depressing so I'm sorry... When all I am worth is where I've been touched, How can I bring anything more, Knowing tommorrow it'll be the same, There's never time for change, I am bleeding in theese sheets, My head lowered, I made a choice, and firstly i lived with it He whispers, I turn my head, He smiling, I am shy, I am raw.. I'll take all I am from him All I can get from him.

I am quiet And in the impatience of waiting I've forgotten the things I wanted the most, Still water eyes You've had me all along And I am wishing for heartbreak To give me some relief from pretending To be something we are not I only know we are, We were We could be, Maybe someday I'll reach out from this somewhat broken silence And make a change for once Maybe you'll reach out from stale security and break down again.

Don't feel like poetry today, so tired of wanting that right cliche maybe if i did i would make me okay again. Don't feel acting today Smiles and lies and endless comprimise the Somebody whos really a disguise I don't feel like weighing myself today That look disgust Don't fucking say that But its already said, heard it in my head.... I don't feel like seeing them today Little kindergarten girls and boys marching along, with their worthless toys I don't feel like crying toda...

Sometimes I miss it here, I miss writing something and getting a response, although it was usually negative, at least i had something. Now I don't have a whole lot. I feel empty, I look back and go "where did my life get so fucked up?" and I remain clueless. Maybe that bad kharma Alex and Brandon always told me I had has finally caught up with me. I miss having Brandon around so much that its become pretty normal. Its the others that flash in my mind and break my heart again. I m...

No dramatic exit, just goodbye

This life is what I make of it. I live with a passion God gave me for life and the little things in it. I choose to make this a positive experience, could you please cooperate with me? Do you even know that this whole thing depends on you, I can only follow your lead? Do you not see how your unintentional disregard hurts me? Sleep is a fleeting dream, I thought I had it all figured out. Don't do this to me, don't hurt me. I won't let you...I've been through too much now. Sometimes it frustra...

Okay, I haven't ranted in a long time (well maybe not that long but still) RIght now I have mono which has to be the most annoying, pain in the butt virius ever. Which clearly God created as a curse. Basically I'm not really allowed to do anything but lie around all day drinking disgusting orange juice, watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek, and feeling sorry for myself. Even though I feel relatively okay. Its really starting to make me bitter. And while I've been lying ...

~ Dancing: I love to dance. And my youth pastors put me in charge of writing out choreography for a little drama thing were doing in the youth group. Most of them can't dance, but its a lot of fun. Dancing just makes me feel great. ~When Brandon looks at me in this special way that I don't quite understand and says i love you randomly after i say something like finishing a novel makes me feel a little sad or how I cried when Oprah did that special on little japaneese girls or that he can't...

I went to Brandon's new house today, he told me it was on the outskirts of Grove City/Columbus; the truth be told he lives in utter suburbia. I was listening to Green Day, but sadly the wrong CD. I had in International Superhits, when I needed American Idiot so I could blast Jesus of Suburbia ( when I go back I totally intend on scouting the place out just to make sure this Jesus is just a myth) and laugh hysterically at the irony.I really wanted Andy to see this place because of his ardent ...

I wonder what would happen if you would do if you had really been cheated on. I wonder how you would have pissed and moaned then. I hate when people whine about life when it could be worse. I wonder how you would feel if you really had to lie in bed at night, knowing that your boyfriend is screwing someone else. Or how you would react to hearing sobs on the phone saying, I've cheated on you, and other whines for forgiveness. I doubt you could have taken it. I doubt you could have made it. Yo...

"So do you miss him?" What the hell do you think??????? Why would you ask someone that, its like hacking someones arm off, pouring salt into the newly oozing wound and then asking "Does it hurt?" You want to scream and kick and rip peoples hair out. I would be fine if people weren't so ridicously stupid. I want peace and quiet, no I don't want to talk about it. And if my mother asks me when he's leaving for college one more time I probably going to internally combust. I just want to think ...

It's really hard for you to be yourself, when you think your supposed to be something else. I was supposed to grow up in to some cold hearted liberal, feminist, lesbian on the side. That's what my prophesy was. I guess thats the track I was on for a really long time. I never had the time to be a girl. I skipped the stage where girls become girls. I always knew I was different from all of them but not in a unique way. Like I missed something. I missed my chance to become a girl. ...

Confession No. 1~ I like it when Brandon opens the door for me. I could just kick myself for this. I've always felt like I had to be the strong willed, I have a vagina, hear me roar type. But his old fashioned chivalry melts my heart. Of course, he still won't be paying for anything, but I must confess I love to be treated like a princess. sigh. He knows this secret, but I had to confess. Confession No. 2~ I had my hair done for an hour and a half an...

Hey there, I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all. Where you are and how you feel. With these lights off as these wheels keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...) Slow things down or speed them up. Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...) How are you when I'm gone? [Chorus:] And I can't make it on my own. (And I can't make it on my own.) Because my heart is in Ohio. So cut my wrists and black my eyes. (Cut my wrists and black my eyes) So I can ...