Okay the stupid skool computer will not let me comment so i have to write an article. In regards to what trina said about me, yes indeed i do have brandon, i love him and i'm very happy, however,i see that sam and alex are hurting and that upsets me. I'm not putting myself in it, i just want to let them know i'm here. There are two really good friends of mine and i want to help. I felt like stacey, just wasn't getting it and it bugged me. Sorry that i yelled at you stace, i just felt it ...

I just wondered. I mean I yell and everyone jumps down my throat. Anyone elses yells it's like it okay... But only if brandon says so. I mean you'd think he was God or something. Its like his opionon is the mass majority's opinon. I mean i'm his girlfriend and even i don't agree with him half as much as everyone else on this sight. I love him, and i know you guys probably don't do it on purpose. But please. He's a great guys with some great opinions and i may be sarandon but at least i ca...

Well, after Sam's little blog I started to think. As you all know, Brandon in particular, I'm addicted to carbs. Breads, pastas, soda anything and everything with a lot of carbohydrates. I'm serious the adkins diet would seriously send me into a coma. But anyway, everyone obsesses about my weight. Though countlessly I've told people I am fine. No one believes me. My mother in particular was convinced that I had an eating disorder for a really long time. I try to tell her, no mother i am fine,...

Finding my morality, A nasty suprise, For I had wasted my life in wishes, Some for myself, But mainly for others, Her infinite pain, I needed to cease, But i just could not, No matter how hard i tried, I saw through her fake smiles, And all i could do was hold her, So many wishes and prayers for him, I saw his great sorrow, Mourning for the loss of a related stranger, I wanted to make it all go away, But all I could say, Was that i would listen, So you see My pain is not re...

I hate my anger problem And I hate that Alex is the one i USUALLY explode to even though he just asks a simple question I hate that i love and despise people at the same time I hate that i'm a brat and i'm stubborn I hate that I forgive everything even those things that shouldn't be forgiven I hate that I can't trust anyone I hate that I can't stand on my own, I hate that i can't control my parents actions I hate that i can't go back and change my past I hate that i can't think "stra...

I'm mad mainly at myself, but I decided to take it out on a bunch of people. Forgive me, I wrote you a letter Ash, about what i ment. I'm just so angry and i was upset because sam was upset. I don't have a reason to be mean, looking back i don't knkow what you were trying to do, but i lashed out at you. I guess I should tackle the problem but more calmly. I'm having insane mood swings by the way, I talked to alex about my anger problem and i'm trying to tackle it. Please pray. I think i've lo...

All i can say is, that if you don't shut up, i'm going to get angry and it is not going to be pretty. Okay, i tried to be nice and make the friendship thing work, but you know what, i don't care right about now. I'm sorry that the world doesn't revolve around you, and if you don't stop what youre doing then i'm going to have to scream, but being a god fearing women i can't scream the obscenities that are running through my mind. Can you just let the drama go please? Its hard enough on one of ...

So basically this is how it goes, I don't think I can ever leave my house again. I have to stay home because my mom wants me too. She wants me to talk about my feelings and of course she can not know my feeling because it would hurt her and the derranged stranger formerly known as my father. To be perfectly honest, if i don't like get out for a decent amount of time i think i'm going to go psycho on someone. So if any of you ever get the urge to kidnapp me feel free to. I was going to have Ki...

First of all i would like to say that i dont want no one to feel sorry for me. I don't need your pity, i have friends that are going through a lot worse right now and i want to be there for them first and foremost. So this isn't about me feeling sorry for myself: I just need to express my feeling about what i'm going through right now. Okay yesterday after Alice practice, i come home to find my mom crying in the doorway, which scared the crap out of me. My mom never cries, well hardly ever ...

The weirdest thing happened the other day, I was just talking to Brandon and listening to this cd and all of the sudden I had a revelation. I feel beautiful. I wanted to dance, and sing, smile, laugh and cry all at the same time. Sam said the same thing a while ago. But I've never felt beautiful in all my sixteen years. Like my walls came crumbling down. It was as if that person i've been harboring inside of me for so long burst out. I've wore a mask for the past three or four years, hiding w...

Could you bleed a little bit more for me? A little more of the blood shed on calvary, I tried so hard to please, The wrong people did i appease, I stumbled from grace, Now i find myself in the holy place, Meet me here, Take away my fear, Make my heart beat with yours, Wash my shame away on your distant shores, Saturate me with your spirit and love, The things I need from up above, Diminsh my doubt, Help me figure out what my life is about, Take away my sin, Or otherwise i will ...

Okay i told brandon that i was the one who started that whole things to do before you die thingy last year so i thought i would share mine with you...now i've already done some of them. and some of them you might not understand but that's okay.. The whole igloo thing in the rain ( um...i think some of you might know about this one, i'm pretty sure shaun heard about while eaves dropping during spanish last year) if you don't what i mean you can either ask me and i might tell you, or you can...

Well, how was everyone's christmas? mine was lovely, I got my baby as it is now called. My acoustic guitar, it is gorgeous, and i've dragging it all around the house, playing it constantly. So much that my fingers are killing me, and it kinda hurts to type but oh well. I even wrote a little song which i'm whipping up the lyrics too. so exciting. Brandon better watch out he may cheat on me with a book, but my acoustic's looking pretty darn good....j/k. Anyway so i got that and a violin (among ...

Okay after some quick research just to be sure, it is me and brandon's one month aniversary. (to be honest i have not the slightest clue where he is or what he's doing and i haven't talked to him all day. getting ansy, but that's just a natural defense mechanism after being cheated on for the past four or five years.) I was reflecting on what i've been through to be with him and how far we've come as a couple. It doesn't seem like it's been a month but the calendar says otherwise. No one know...

Okay, i'm feeling really spazy, i haven't talked to brandon all day, you guys know how i get. I'm feeling rather anxious right about now. This site happens to be my favorite place to just let all my spazy feelings out. Hmmm.... so yeah i'm relatively bored with nothing to do, no one to talk to, but i'm sure i'll be fine. The Holly Dance was fun. Shaun SHOULD have been there,he could have kept Brandon company. Well during band friday i did the new and improved yeast song. Only the first vers...