I wrote this in church yesterday..its terribly depressing so I'm sorry... When all I am worth is where I've been touched, How can I bring anything more, Knowing tommorrow it'll be the same, There's never time for change, I am bleeding in theese sheets, My head lowered, I made a choice, and firstly i lived with it He whispers, I turn my head, He smiling, I am shy, I am raw.. I'll take all I am from him All I can get from him.

I am quiet And in the impatience of waiting I've forgotten the things I wanted the most, Still water eyes You've had me all along And I am wishing for heartbreak To give me some relief from pretending To be something we are not I only know we are, We were We could be, Maybe someday I'll reach out from this somewhat broken silence And make a change for once Maybe you'll reach out from stale security and break down again.

Okay , so I'm performing in Seusical the Musical, its this big Dr. Seus fest, and most of the characters from the books, except for the Bird Girls. My director refers to them as "the jungle hotties", we get theese really cute dresses. And we got a lecture tonight about being "sexy" and I've been told that I am, by more than one person, but I don't know how to be. I mean the man had us planning contraptions on how to enhance our chests(we're rather small) and that rather pissed me off, because...

Don't feel like poetry today, so tired of wanting that right cliche maybe if i did i would make me okay again. Don't feel acting today Smiles and lies and endless comprimise the Somebody whos really a disguise I don't feel like weighing myself today That look disgust Don't fucking say that But its already said, heard it in my head.... I don't feel like seeing them today Little kindergarten girls and boys marching along, with their worthless toys I don't feel like crying toda...

Sometimes I miss it here, I miss writing something and getting a response, although it was usually negative, at least i had something. Now I don't have a whole lot. I feel empty, I look back and go "where did my life get so fucked up?" and I remain clueless. Maybe that bad kharma Alex and Brandon always told me I had has finally caught up with me. I miss having Brandon around so much that its become pretty normal. Its the others that flash in my mind and break my heart again. I m...

No dramatic exit, just goodbye

This life is what I make of it. I live with a passion God gave me for life and the little things in it. I choose to make this a positive experience, could you please cooperate with me? Do you even know that this whole thing depends on you, I can only follow your lead? Do you not see how your unintentional disregard hurts me? Sleep is a fleeting dream, I thought I had it all figured out. Don't do this to me, don't hurt me. I won't let you...I've been through too much now. Sometimes it frustra...

I used to be scared of Brandon's mom, well I have replaced that fear with the burning dislike of a thousands suns. I am done being scared of that woman. Now I intend to do whatever I can to spite her. Saturday comes and I'm supposed to go see Brandon seeing how its his last day, becasue he was leaving on Sunday. The (can't say what i really think) woman wakes him up and says that shes up and decided to leave today. Even though I heard her tell him a few days prior that they w...

I was just thinking the other day. Now that Brandon's not around much anymore...soon he won't be for a long time...I have no clue who I am. There hasn't been just Sarah in a long time...nearly a year. I don't know how to handle it. I don't even know who I was before, and how to just be myself by myself. My idenity has been Brandon's identity. I don't know if anyone knows who I really am, I don't even know if I know who I really am. I think I lost myself awhile ago. Now I just feel numb and lo...

Okay, I haven't ranted in a long time (well maybe not that long but still) RIght now I have mono which has to be the most annoying, pain in the butt virius ever. Which clearly God created as a curse. Basically I'm not really allowed to do anything but lie around all day drinking disgusting orange juice, watching old episodes of Dawson's Creek, and feeling sorry for myself. Even though I feel relatively okay. Its really starting to make me bitter. And while I've been lying ...

There are ghosts of you Floating down hallways and stairwells And glimmering under harsh search lights Residue of who we used to be I got caught up in the memory Of this place where I fell so hard That I never did get back up I traced my steps back to the place where i gave you my heart, Unsuprised to find that it wasn't there anymore. I tried hard to be strong But no matter where I look to Or ran from I knew you would be there... I found that others cared for me, and i...

I have had an interesting time lately...my exboyfriend/good friend Joshua is up from Georgia and we have been spending a lot of time with my good friend Kyle. I missed both of them a lot cuz I've realized that I ditched them both a lot lately when I started dating Brandon and hanging out with his/my friends. I realized that they were my friends before I started dating Brandon which means a lot to me. Joshua and I had a hard breakup, I dumped him after six monthes after being hurt and not bot...

I thought about you this morning as I covered my eyelids with green shadow, I remembered how you liked how it made blue eyes shine. I think about you often. Sometimes with a smile like when I flip through channels finding the wiggles were on it made me think of you singing at lunch making me and Renae laugh til tears. I don't talk to Renae anymore, I think its because it hurts to much to be reminded of you. Sometimes with tears, like when you brush past me in a crowded Circleville street hold...

~ Dancing: I love to dance. And my youth pastors put me in charge of writing out choreography for a little drama thing were doing in the youth group. Most of them can't dance, but its a lot of fun. Dancing just makes me feel great. ~When Brandon looks at me in this special way that I don't quite understand and says i love you randomly after i say something like finishing a novel makes me feel a little sad or how I cried when Oprah did that special on little japaneese girls or that he can't...

I went to Brandon's new house today, he told me it was on the outskirts of Grove City/Columbus; the truth be told he lives in utter suburbia. I was listening to Green Day, but sadly the wrong CD. I had in International Superhits, when I needed American Idiot so I could blast Jesus of Suburbia ( when I go back I totally intend on scouting the place out just to make sure this Jesus is just a myth) and laugh hysterically at the irony.I really wanted Andy to see this place because of his ardent ...